I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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