Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
last night I used snow as a chaser
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
