WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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