I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
