How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
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talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
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It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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