i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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