If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
