So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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