he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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