I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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