You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
