How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
