can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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