we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I have fence marks all over my body
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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