oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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