Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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