I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
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I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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