I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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