Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
