Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
