Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
