Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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