I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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