my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
