I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
