you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
