Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
organizing the empties. That sober.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
