There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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