The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
