i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
