Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
