you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You were trust falling into bushes
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
