Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
