I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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