I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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