jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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