you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
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He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize