I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
