Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
