I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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