I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
