Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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