I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
