fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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