You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
