I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
