SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
