508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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