I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
