Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize