I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
And then he peed in my hair
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
