I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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