I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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