So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
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I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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