Apparently you make a good broom.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
