oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm both gender and math confused
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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