sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
