I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
