life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
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i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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