I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
