fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
