I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
