I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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